


I Saw Three Ships

by grey2510



Series: Team No Chill [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: (for part of the fic), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bad puns and innuendo, Continuity? What continuity?, Demon!Dean, F/M, M/M, You've been warned, but not really a Christmas fic, some Christmasy stuff, time jumps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-02-14 22:45:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13017744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grey2510/pseuds/grey2510
Summary: I saw three ships go driving inSometimes risqué and sometimes gayI saw three ships go riding inSo much foreplay in the morning





	I Saw Three Ships

"Squirrel, please tell me we have grander plans for the evening than another round of karaoke."

Coleman doesn't particularly like Crowley, but he's gotta agree with the demon on this front, if Dean's off-key singing along to Baby's radio over the years has been any indication of his distinct lack of musical talent. Even a cooler knows better.

 _He's not_ that _bad._

_You only say that because it's Dean, Baby. Pretty sure your engine drowns out the worst of it._

_Really? You're gonna claim that I don't know what's going on inside me? It's MY radio he uses._

_You just think the sun shines out of Dean's ass._

_At least I'm not sulking over the fact that Dean's hanging out with Crowley instead of your big angel crush._

_Shut up. I do NOT—_

Coleman pauses. If he could take a deep breath to calm himself down, he would, but alas, he is but a simple green cooler.

 _You're just pissy that Dean doesn't care about you anymore._ As if to prove the point, an old styrofoam leftovers container from a completely unnecessary midnight stop at a skeevy Denny's slides across the backseat and bumps Coleman as Dean takes a corner a little too fast.

The shot hits a little close to home and Baby doesn't even come back with a snappy retort.

_Sorry, Baby._

_Yeah, well..._

While all of this is going on, Dean and Crowley have apparently continued on their conversation and Dean has driven them up to a hunting cabin that looks a little fancier than a hunting cabin ought to be. Well, from what Coleman knows of hunting cabins, that is.

"The triplets?" Crowley asks, delight in his voice.

"Unless you're not up to it." There's an uncomfortable, harsh edge to Dean's voice these days, and if Coleman weren't a cooler who is always literally chilled and if he had a spine, said spine might have had shivers up and down it.

"They don't call me The Man With All the Toys for nothing, Dean."

"Really? Beach Boys Christmas music?"

"There's a going down your chimney joke in there somewhere, but I wouldn't want to cheapen the moment."

_Ugh, I wish they were going to karaoke now._

_Right? I told you it's not that bad._

_Yeah, yeah, fine, you win, Baby._

 

* * *

 

"C'mon, Sam, say it with me: _Slay Ride_."

"That's not funny, Dean."

"It's a little funny."

"Dean, three people are dead and—"

"Yeah, yeah, I know." Baby's engine cuts out and Dean opens up the door, pausing as he gets out to ask, "The usual?"

"Yeah, dressing on the side," Sam says absently, staring down at Mac. Coleman can practically feel the laptop beaming with happiness at being used for research. Nerds.

"How are we even related," Dean mutters as he closes the door and heads inside the restaurant.

As soon as Dean's inside, though, Sam clicks a few times and a new program pops up on his screen. There's a sound like a phone ringing and then Eileen's voice comes over the speakers. "Hi, Sam!"

"Hey, Eileen."

 _Aw, I like her,_ Baby practically purrs as Sam bungles his way through some signs and Eileen corrects him or just giggles at his attempts.

Coleman agrees instantly, _Right?_

Eileen is probably the first person both he and Baby took a shine to immediately, especially when it comes to someone for Sam. They never met Jess, only heard about her after the fact. Ruby was pretty terrible all around, and not just because of the sulphur smell that Baby claims seeped into her leather seats. Amelia was just the worst: she'd encouraged Sam to let a dog ride around in Baby. Gross. The only upside of Amelia was that she wasn't averse to using Coleman for picnics. It had been nice to get out in the sun for awhile.

But Eileen just seems like she fits with the boys, like she belongs on the team, riding around in Baby with all of them, going on hunts. And she makes Sam happy.

"Oh!" Eileen is saying through a laugh when Coleman starts paying attention again. "I know you guys said you don't do Christmas, but I saw these and thought you might change your mind. Check your phone."

Sam does so, and over the top of the seat, Coleman can make out a few images that Sam flips through quickly, chuckling as he does. "Are those...[gay merman ornaments](http://www.decemberdiamonds.com/Scripts/PublicSite/index.php?template=ShowCatPublic&cat=424600)?"

"You don't know if they're gay."

"Uh huh."

"They're sparkly! So festive. And the abs, you gotta admit…"

Sam's shaking his head in amusement. "Yeah, sorry, guys' abs don't do it for me."

"Fine, show 'em to Dean. See what he says. Maybe he'd like them."

"Uh, I'd rather not get punched in the face, but if you wanna try, I'm not stopping you."

_Sam does have a point._

_Do you think he knows WHY Dean'd punch him in the face yet?_

Baby sighs. _No. Don't get me wrong, I love Sam and all, but sometimes…_

_Super dense._

_Yep._

_Hey,_ Mac chirps up from the front seat, though his words are a little muffled, like they're competing with Sam and Eileen's conversation through the speakers. _Sam isn't dense! He's really smart._

 _Not about Dean sometimes,_ Coleman says, implying a headshake with his tone.

_What do you mean?_

_Mac,_ Baby asks carefully, _has Dean ever used you when Sam wasn't looking?_

_Oh sure! Sam got mad once because Dean screwed up his settings trying to delete his browser history._

Coleman has no idea what a browser history is, but he figures if Dean was trying to delete it, they're on the right track here. _Uh huh. And what was he trying to delete?_

 _Porn!_ the laptop answers cheerfully.

_What kind of porn?_

_All kinds! Sam tends to stick to porn with girls in it, but Dean's more adventurous. We went to sites I'd never seen before! And—_

_Yeah, ok, we get it,_ Baby cuts him off. _And did he delete his browser history before Sam saw?_

 _Yep!_ Mac pauses as though the pieces are all coming together. _Ohhhh. Dean doesn't want Sam to know about those sites?_

_Exactly._

_Why?_

_I dunno,_ Coleman sighs. _Humans are weird._

By the time the three of them all tune back into the conversation, Sam and Eileen are signing off and Dean's returning to the car with a burger for himself and a salad for Sam.

"Here, bitch."

"Jerk."

"So, you shut your laptop pretty quick there, buddy. You talking to Eileen again?" Dean teases.

"No, I wasn't—"

"Sure, sure." Dean bites into his burger and chews for a moment before saying around a mouthful of food, "C'mon, when're y'gonna man up 'n just ask 'er out? You waitin' to pass 'er a note in study hall?"

_Yeah, Sam, when are you gonna ask her out??_

_You know they can't hear you, Coleman._

_I'm sending vibes! It'll totally work._

_You're an idiot._

"Dean—" Sam practically whines.

But Dean just continues blithely, this time sans food in his mouth, "It's almost Christmas. Get her something nice, like a new machete or something. She's a practical girl."

Sam nearly chokes on his salad. "Um, yeah, I think I'm gonna skip anything to do with Christmas, but thanks."

"Your loss."

"Remind me to never take dating advice from you ever."

"I repeat: your loss."

Coleman relaxes as best as a cooler can into the leather seats as the brothers continue to banter. _You know, it's too bad, Baby: your rearview mirror would look really good with a sexy merman hanging from it._

_Oh fuck you._

_I could order you one online, Baby!_

_NOT HELPING, MAC._

 

* * *

 

As a cooler, Coleman can't say that he knows a whole lot about music, but he's pretty sure that what's coming out of Baby's speakers now is not "Dean approved." But, Dean is currently in the mini-mart and Cas has commandeered the radio controls while he waits.

_"Nuttin' for Christmas"? The hell?_

_Hey, it's your crush who chose the shitty music, not me. I just play it._

_At least Crowley's not here…_

_Squirrel and nut jokes?_

_Yep._ On the other hand, Coleman muses, it might be worth it just to see Dean get flustered or for Cas to ask an earnest but incredibly awkward question (which would further fluster Dean).

The song ends and the radio announcer introduces Trans Siberian Orchestra's "Winter in Sarajevo". Coleman has no idea what winter in Sarajevo is like, but apparently it requires some pretty intense instrumentals. The music is just swelling up into pounding guitars and chimes when the door opens and Dean pauses before he climbs back in.

"What the fuck is this, Cas?" He does get in eventually, though, pulling the door shut with a clunk.

"Christmas music, apparently. Although, considering it's only October, I don't know why it's playing on at least three different stations."

"Because people are fucking nuts, that's why."

_Hehe. Nuts._

_And you say I'M the immature one, Baby._

_Like you weren't thinking it, too!_

"I like this one," Cas says simply.

Dean listens for a moment. "Yeah, I guess this one's not bad. Kinda badass, for Christmas music. But it's _October_."

"I'm aware," Cas answers, the unspoken _literally just said that thirty seconds ago_ quite obvious regardless. But, Cas has a fond smile on his lips anyway.

_Don't get jealous, Coleman, but I'm pretty sure they're about to soul gaze._

_Right back atcha. Don't worry, Baby: Dean still loves you. Maybe he'll give you, ya know, a lube job soon._ What Coleman wouldn't give to be able to waggle his eyebrows. (Or to have eyebrows to waggle in the first place.)

_See? You ARE the immature one._

_You love me._

_I'm stuck with you. There's a difference._

"So, uh, Cas," Dean says as he backs up Baby and gets her back onto the road, "I know it's kinda early, but, ya know, if you're around in December, we could, I dunno...do...something."

Cas tilts his head and looks to Dean. "Do something?"

"Yeah, I dunno. Something Christmasy." Except Dean kind of mumbles the last word until it's mush.

"Did you know Jesus wasn't actually born in—"

"Oh my god, Cas," Dean whines. "Biography of your half-brother or whatever is not really what I'm looking for right now."

There's a desperate tone in his voice, and Coleman is sitting on the edge of his seat listening. Literally: he's empty at the moment, so he keeps sliding around the seat and is in danger of toppling off if Baby stops too fast. (He makes a mental note not to piss her off lest she decide there are a few "potholes" in the road that are unavoidable to even an experienced driver like Dean.)

"Jesus isn't technically—" Cas pauses. "Oh. I'm sorry. Of course I'd like to 'do something Christmasy' with you."

Dean breathes out a sigh of relief. "Awesome. I mean, it ain't gonna be any stupid frou-frou crap, but we'll figure it out."

_Oh my god, they're ridiculous._

_How has Sam not figured this out?_

_I don't know! Hey, maybe we can get Mac to help us out. He can do computery things._

_Wow, Coleman, that was...insightful. Masterful plan._

_Why thank you._

"Will there be Christmas music?" From where Coleman perches, he can just make out the crinkles at the corners of Cas' eyes.

"Oh hell no." Dean catches himself. "I mean, unless you wanted it. But only the good stuff. No 'Dominick, the Italian Christmas Donkey' or 'Rudolph' or that shit."

"What do you have against Christmas beasts of burden?"

"Seriously? _Seriously?_ Have I taught you _nothing_ about music, Cas?"

"Thirteen Led Zeppelin songs was not much of an education."

"Whoa, whoa, what—?"

"Perhaps you should make me another tape."

It isn't often that Coleman gets to see Cas genuinely smile and it makes him feel all icey and beer-filled inside. (He's a cooler: warm and fuzzy just seems _wrong_.)

In the rearview mirror, Dean's mouth resembles that of a fish before he stammers out, "Uh, yeah, man. I can do that."

_D'awww._

_They're adorbs._

_You did NOT just use the word 'adorbs.'_

But Coleman doesn't even care because it's true. The song switches again and a more upbeat tune assaults their ears. He fully expects Dean to change the station, but instead, he just chuckles and actually cranks up the volume. Cas eyes him sidelong.

"It's 'Monster Holiday' and we're on a hunt. For monsters. Seems right."

"Naturally."

"You ever tell Sammy this happened—"

"Of course, Dean."

And the four of them sail on down the road.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh hey it's Coldest Hits time! December's prompt was [Christmas song titles](http://spncoldesthits.tumblr.com/post/168440742063/spncoldesthits-mayalaen-under-the-missile)! (And I worked a few extra in.)
> 
> Instead of leaving me love here...
> 
> Check out my other works (sorted by series for easier navigation):  
> [Grey's works](http://archiveofourown.org/users/grey2510/series)  
> Come visit me on Tumblr! @[grey2510](https://grey2510.tumblr.com/)


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